Chapter S
After the funeral, I insisted on packing my things before leaving with them.
Mom’s suitcase still had space for me to pack in a few more clothes–most of them were things Grandma had made for me.
they just watched me bustling around alone, their faces showing… I don’t know what.
Like I was something embarrassing they had to deal with.
Fut I didn’t care what they thought.
Actually, I was glad they looked down on me.
f they didn’t want my stuff, they wouldn’t try to take it.
Chloe, you don’t need to pack all this.”
The city has everything. We can buy you new stuff.”
fut I couldn’t bear to leave it behind, and I didn’t trust them.
o 1 took everything I could use.
jad stopped Mom from trying to convince me further.
If she wants to take it, let her take it. You and Layla take the train back. I’ll drive and help her with the bags.”
n that moment, something stirred in my chest. My nose started to burn, and I almost cried.
thought they’re still my parents, after all.
hould I really hold a grudge for the rest of my life over one thing?
taybe I really was too young back then to understand how they cared about me.
Ir maybe losing my only support left me so desperate and helpless that I had to give in.
grabbed onto that tiny bit of softness they showed me and forgot ten years of disappointment and pain.
Like Grandma said–just let it go.
in the drive back, it started snowing hard.
he fat snowflakes outside the window looked exactly like the cotton stuffing that had scattered from my shredded bear.
had was smoking in the driver’s seat. Looking at him in the rearview mirror, his brow never relaxed.
Don’t go picking on your sister when we get back.”
ie finally spoke, his voice heavy with irritation and exhaustion
Let’s just say we were wrung back then ”
You’re almost eighteen now, practically a grown woman. Cut your parents some slack.”
If you were half as well behaved as your sister, you think your mom and I would’ve left you there for ten years?
Those few sentences snapped me back to reality
Like that softer, understanding dad from before had been some kind of hallucination.
I hadn’t even walked through the front door yet.
But I was already being painted as the villain who’d bully my sister.
22-24
From Beloved Daughter‘ to ‘Dead Burdans
Chapter 5
What the hell did “let’s just say we were wrong” even mean?
A family of four, divided down the middle.
They. I
Even them not bringing me home for ten years was my fault, my own damn problem.
In that moment. I got it–what they meant when they said I was petty, that I held grudges.
Yeah, I was petty. I did hold grudges.
Every single thing he said hurt.
They didn’t hold grudges.
They were generous.
Because they weren’t the ones in pain.
When I made them unhappy, they could just throw me away without a second thought.
ren years.
At first. I even fantasized they’d suddenly show up to take me home.
fantasized that if they apologized, I’d let it all go.
Later I thought, adults have their pride–they can’t say sorry.
f they’d just give me back the birthday present that should’ve been mine, I’d forgive them.
Finally, I told myself silently:
f they’d just talk to me first, bring me home on their own, I’d go with them.
Not counting Grandma’s funeral.
We’d seen each other eight times in ten years.
The first time, I was so excited, thinking they’d come to take me home.
but the second Dad saw me, his face went cold. “Do you know what you did wrong?”
ne sentence, and I was right back to the day they kicked me out,
Making me think over and over: Was I wrong?
What did I do wrong?
Why did I have to be the one to admit fault?
couldn’t figure it out, couldn’t say it
io I chose not to say anything
To them, that grant I wasn’t sorry, that they hadn’t punished me enough.
So again and again
Do you know what you did wrong?
I didn’t know I didn’t sprak
50 eventually, I stopped hoping they’d show up, stopped hoping to go back to that house
That house where I’d have to swallow every injustice, how my head and apologize unconditionally, just to be allowed through the door.
22:24
From Beloved haughter to Dead Burden & Now Watch Your Perfect P HY BURNI
341%
Chapter 5
There was nothing worth hoping for.
