Begging Part II
They reached the park in minutes and he faced her, “are you willing to go for a walk or do you want to go back to the hotel? I don’t want this to ruin our night, but I feel you’re clinging to
it.”
“No. I want to go for the walk,” she gave a sad smile and then looked at him. “I suppose if I say I now want us to be a real couple you’re going to think I’m full of shit and just want to go see what the boys are up to?”
His hand which was reaching for the handle froze. “What?”
“If I said I wanted this to be us together, the way we were before, would you believe me?”
He exhaled loudly as he gave a single shake of his head, “January, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying to talk to you but it’s all coming out wrong.‘
“Come on,” he pushed the car door open and extended his hand. “Let’s walk and talk this out. I don’t want our evening to end on a sour note.”
She took his hand and let him guide her towards the nearby lit footpath. They walked quietly hand in hand, the sounds of the qity muffled in the pretty park. She was annoyed with herself:40
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for being so internally conflicted. The moment he’d called her his ex–wife or the woman he’d had one date with, she balked inside. It stung. It shouldn’t sting because hadn’t she been saying this to him from the minute he’d come back into her life? Hadn’t she gone on coffee and lunch dates with Ernst to prove she wasn’t romantically hung up on Gulliver?
Then why, when he called it like it was, the way she’d been insisting it was, did it hurt?
“Talk to me, January. What is going on in your head? We had a lovely dinner and dancing and now you’re quiet, sullen even. Is all of this because I’m not keen to bring you to participate in
Glenn’s interview?”
“No.” she shook her head. “I guess, I’m confused.”
“Confused with what?”
“What you’re saying makes sense. I know you’re protecting your brother and best friend. I know you’re protecting the family. I know you’re protecting me. I think because you’ve been so open, sharing so much information with me, I didn’t see my ask as much more than an extension of what you’ve told me so far.”
“There is a difference of me telling you things and you witnessing things firsthand, January. A conversation is a he–said–she–said and there is no proof of my activities simply
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because I tell you about them. You being witness to Glenn cutting fingers off or using a blowtorch is something entirely different. One is hearsay. The other is a first person witnessing. It’s a damn good way for you and Kaylee to disappear into true witness protection.”
“I guess,” she took a breath. “It hurts you don’t trust me.‘
“At every turn you’ve been telling me we’re not a couple. You’re making me work for it and I’m not upset with you for it but there is a very real possibility that you won’t want to be my wife again, January. In fact, right before our date, you were adjusting expectations for Kaylee. You made it clear to her that it might be a long time before we are boyfriend and girlfriend, let alone husband and wife, January. Should I be blind to your reluctance?”
“No.”
“For all I know, you’re playing me.”
“I’m not!” she was insulted by the comment.
He gave a chuckle, “in here,” he tapped his chest, “baby, I want to believe this is all real. I want to believe you are giving us a real go and even if it takes a very long time, I’m willing to put in the work. I would not be a very good vovoihowever if I didn’t think even for a moment that revenge might be on your mind for the pain and hurt I caused you. All of this could be an 3/6
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elaborate ruse to hurt me the way I hurt you. Get my hopes up and then kick me when I’m down and then turn me into the
feds.”
“Do you actually believe that?”
“No.” he laughed lowly. “However, my legal team has given me this exact scenario in a warning to not overshare information. Once I let them know I wasn’t keeping secrets from you, they went haywire with the need to go over every single possibility.”
“It really hurts,” she whispered.
“I’m not trying to hurt you, my love. I’m trying to be transparent.”
“I know. It stings though.”
“Why? What is stinging?”
“I want you to trust me,” she whispered.
“Is that all?”
“It hurt to hear you call me your ex–wife.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” she kicked a rock with the toe of her shoe as his 4/6
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thumb made circles over the top of her hand he held. “Maybe,” she inhaled quietly, “I am not as immune to you as I want to say I am. I missed you and this and I really enjoyed the last two days with you. It feels like we’re a family with Kaylee. I liked waking up with you this morning. I liked sitting with you at our picnic. I like this,” she lifted their joined hands. “It hurts when you say ex anything. I think it’s telling me a lot.”
“It’s definitely something you need to think seriously about,” Gulliver squeezed her fingers. “I love you, January and that hasn’t changed over the years, but you’ve been saying you don’t feel the same.”
“I think you’re right. I do need to really think about what I want and how fast or slow I want things to move.” She shot him a cheeky grin, “we could test my trustworthiness though, if you want to prove to legal I’m not a risk.”
He leaned his head sideways as if sharing a secret, “I’m not quite certain you are up to the actual events happening right now. If this was only the beginning of the evening, I might have let us stop in. However, things might be a bit,” he searched for a word, “dirtier than you might be wanting to see.”
“I want to dance in that fucker’s blood,” she hissed. “Scaring my little girl. I’d cut him open and dance in it while he cried for his mama.”
Gulliver snickered at her words, “such murderous behavior. 5/6
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Legal would approve!”
“What if I did it?” she looked at him excitedly. “What if I participated? Then I’m complicit and I can’t be a snitch.”
He groaned at the question, “like a dog with a bone!”
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