Chapter 78Â
Alpha HaroldÂ
My life is crazy, being Alpha is no easy fate and itÂ
canÂ
beÂ
a lotÂ
to deal with and lately, for me, it’s becoming a lot to deal with way too often which isÂ
why I decided to take a vacation and visit my sister at her pack. I hosken a vacation in almost 4 years and it’s truly needed.Â
itt have noÂ
eneinies that I am aware of that doesn’t mean that someone Of course, being an Alpha means I’m never free to travel alone ber out there won’t decide to attack me if they spot me alone, especially a Rogue so I may be on vacation but I’m still not alone. I have five guards with me and while I’d rather be alone they have been very good in staying close eh to protect me but also far enough away that I still get a sense of peace.Â
I’ve missed my sister over the last four years that I haven’t seen her but I just couldn’t face visiting her. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to but the lastÂ
was my soul mate and we had been lucky time I did my Luna, my wife had been by my side. The day she died devastated me in more than one way. She enough to meet when we were both 18. She died at the age of 57 so after 35 years together I’m sure you can imagine how hard it is to try to live withoutÂ
her.Â
1Â
I’ll never know why she died. It happened in her sleep and I decided against any tests to find out the cause. She was already dead poking and prodding her wouldn’t have changed anything. She deserved to be left alone in peace and as much as I don’t regret my decision, there is a small part of me that wishes I knew why she had to die so young. If truth be told the day she stopped living so did I. Yes I’m alive but I feel like I just go through the motions of everyday life just because I have to. I’m an Alpha, I have a pack that looks up to me and to me for guidance and I can’t let them down, I won’t. Rose would be so mad if I did, she loved the pack and dedicated her life to every single member.Â
The whole drive to my sister’s pack had me reconsidering my position as Alpha. It’s something I’ve thought of more than once since my wife’s death but even more so these last few months. Yes, I’m still incredibly fit and capable of fulfilling the Alpha role, I work out every day to keep myself in shape physically but mentally I’m not completely there.Â
My pack deserves so much more from me but no matter how hard I try to get my head back into shape I just can’t. I’m fed up and more than anythingÂ
me down. I’m tired, tired of the constant bullshit that comes with being an Alpha. Don’t get me wrong, you expect bullshit when running a pack and dealing with many outside issues but there are also perks to being Alpha but lately, I’m only seeing bullshit and it’s draggingÂ
If I’m being honest with myself I would have given up my title ages ago but I don’t have any sons to take over the Alpha title. My wife and I were blessed with our daughter Ariel but no sons. She had a hard time giving birth to Ariel and it was recommended that she didn’t have any more children because the risk of her dying was quite high.Â
Of course, Rose tried to insist on giving me a son too Despite the doctor’s warning, she felt that it was her job to give me an heir but I wouldn’t hear of it. Would it have been nice to have a son? Yes, of course, but worth the risk of losing my wife? No! I’ve never regretted the decision not to have any more children but it’s making the idea of stepping down and handing over my title to someone an almost impossible task.Â
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