Megan stared at me for a second before she nodded. She ran to the clearing, and I heard the telltale sound of a vacuum. I shut my eyes as I banged my head off the tree, whispering to myself. “So fucking stupid.” I felt the tears burn behind my eyes again and I pushed up from the ground and whirled to face the tree. I punched it over and over, screaming my anger. “So fucking stupid.” Megan made her way back over to me as I pummeled the tree. “Amy?”
I just kept hitting the tree. But the tree never splintered, never broke, and that pissed me off even more. “FUCK YOU.” I punched harder, waiting for the blood, the pain, but nothing came.
“It won’t.” Megan called out.
I whirled. “WHAT?”
“The pain…it won’t happen.” Megan nodded to the tree. “That tree isn’t real, Amy.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I dropped my hands to my sides. My chest was still heaving from attacking the poor tree.
Megan just stared at me. “You’re mad.” She shifted closer, her words throwing me off.
“Of course I’m mad.” I shook my head. “But what does that have to do with anything?”
“Your dad betrayed your trust. So did your mom.” She changed topics again, and it was confusing my anger addled brain “Aren’t you?” I screamed back.
She tilted her head at me. “Is that all you are mad at?”
“YES.” I screamed. “I trusted them and they played me. Everyone played me.”
She crept closer. “So you attacked the tree?” She asked, and I swore she raised her eyebrow at me.
“So?” I whirled to face her. “Why can’t I attack a tree?”
“I never said you couldn’t, but the tree you are attacking is a figment of our imagination. The pain, the blood, you are trying to chase. The distraction you are so desperate for…you won’t find it here.” She closed the rest of the space. “You can’t hurt yourself. So attacking the tree in here won’t do anything other than maybe give you a headache.” I felt my knees wobble. “You won’t get the physical pain to distract you from the pain you are running from.” She pressed herself against my side.
My voice dropped to a low whisper. “It’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?” She licked my hand, tickling me, but I was too numb to feel it.
“He forced my mom to leave. He forced me to live without him for most of my life. He asked me to go into co uter science. He told me to get close to Brandon.” A tear escaped. “I talked you into getting close to him. I had to kiss him, hold his hand, Thad to treat him like he mattered, even knowing he was your mate.” I finally looked down at Megan. “And I did it, because he was my father. I tortured you because he asked me to do it and made it seem like it was important. But when everything happened between Rowan and me… he pretended to care that Rowan broke my heart. He shattered me and they helped me pick up my pieces. My mom held me through my pain. But within a month, my dad had introduced me to Thoth.” My knees finally gave out. “He said that Thoth could help me.” I laughed then, but it was hallow. “But it was just Rowan.”
Megan pressed her face into the crook of my neck. “And that’s bad?” She pulled back to look at me, like she was genuinely confused about my answer.
“Ltold him so much.” I reached out to her face. “Thoth became my friend, my confidant. I told him everything…” Another tear fell. “I told him about my heat. I told all about Rowan…my pain, my love, my hate. Everything.”
She nodded. “And it turned out to be him.”
A sob broke from my chest. “I feel betrayed.”
“As you should.” Nix called back. “But I don’t think that’s why you are this mad.”
1/3
I sighed. “Why then?“.
Nix was silent for a moment. “I think the reason you are so mad that Thoth turned out to be Rowan isn’t because they lied, but because you fell in love with him. And I know the letters shifted how you look at Rowan…but in truth, you had fallen for Thoth or the man that Thoth stood for. He was your escape. A listening but not judgemental ear. Your friend who took the time to get to know you. Someone not forced on you by circumstance or bond. Someone who didn’t know who you were Someone that didn’t care how much power we had, or what rank we were. Someone who your thought cared about you. Not me, not Megan, just you Another sob bubbled up, but her next words broke me. “Megan got to have her love, even if he was a bastard in the end. And eventually I will find my mate. But Thoth was the one man that could have loved your for you…and finding out he was Rowan stole that from you.”
