Chapter 36
“What do you mean?
“We’re playin‘ it by cat so you can un–invite me if you want to.”
1 sat up. “Why would I un–invite you?”
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He chuckled. “Because you’re workin‘ out your feelings. You might decide you’re not ready for your very stable family to meet my equally unstable one.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Well, thanks for putting words in my mouth
“I’m not lookin‘ to put words in your mouth or start a fight, babe just want to give you an out”
“Well, I don’t want an out,” I said. “You are officially invited to Thanksgiving”
“Okay.” He grinned. “I’ll check with my sister, but that sounds good. Thank you.”
Our awkward moment was broken when my phone pealed in the silence. I dug in my purse and pulled it out. “Hello.”
“Hey, honey, just checking to see when you’ll be home,” my mom said.
“Probably in a couple of hours. Everything okay?”
“Of course. Just like to know when my chickens are back in the coop.”
I giggled. “I’m the only chicken, Mom. Everyone else was smart enough to fly away.”
“I’m waiting for everyone to come back.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Dad and I are going to watch a movie, so just text me when you’re inside and have locked up.”
“Will do. Hey, I’ve invited a couple of friends for Thanksgiving, is that a problem?”
“The more the merrier, honey. We’ll discuss details the week of
“Sounds good. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okey doke. Love you.”
I smiled. “Love you too, Mom. ‘Bye.” I hung up and dropped my phone back into my purse.
“What was it like livin‘ in a Cleaver house?”
I shrugged. “I wish I could say something profound and deep that would sum everything up, but honestly, it was awesome. We’re all still really close. I’m guessing your home life wasn’t so good?”
“Dad’s in jail for sex crimes against the foster kids my parents took in and my mom didn’t do a fuckin‘ thing to stop it, so yeah, mine wasn’t so good. But it’s done, so I don’t dwell.”
“I’m sorry, Alex. That sucks.” I squeezed his arm. “It sounds like you’re making things really happy for Lily, though. You’re breaking a cycle of sorts.”
“Yeah.” He stood. “You done?”
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“Um, yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll take you home.”
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“O–okay,” I stuttered. Apparently, he was working out his feelings too, and the subject of his life was not a good one, so I didn’t press.
I folded the blanket he’d wrapped around me and handed it back to him before gathering my stuff up while he locked up the boat. Alex helped me back onto the pier and then released my hand and I was forced to jog to catch up to him. “Alex, wait.”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around.
“What just happened?” I asked.
He faced me, his face impassive. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t play that game, Hawk. You know exactly what I mean. If you don’t want to talk about it right now or want to revisit it later, I’m fine with that, but don’t act dumb, and if you say ‘nothing, in answer to any of my questions that start with ‘what’s wrong?‘ I will maim you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Is it something I said?”
“Fuck, Payton, you just said you’d be fine with that answer.”
“I am…” sort of, “… so long as I didn’t do something to offend your
He shook his head. “You didn’t do anything to offend me. Can we go now?”
I nodded and followed him again, this time able to stay in sync with him, however, he still didn’t touch me. He held the door of the truck open, waited for me to climb up, and then made his way to the driver’s side.
The drive home was excruciating. He said nothing. Nada, zip, nuttin‘ honey. Just focused on the road. I originally thought I might have hit a nerve on the boat, but now I was spiraling into all manner of offenses… only stopping with the possibly I’d killed his pet in a past life.
See? Crazy.
Alex pulled up to my house and turned off the truck. I slipped out of his jacket and set it on the console between us, “Thanks for dinner.”
“Hey.” He grabbed my hand. “Workin‘ shit out, yeah?”
I nodded.
“Call you next week.”
I nodded again.
He tugged me forward, but I pulled away from him. “I’m not kissing you in front of my parents‘ house, Alex. Not yet, anyway.”
“So, it’s fuckin‘ payback time, huh?”
“What?” I snapped. “No.”
“Let me guess. Your dad would go ape–shit over you datin‘ someone like me, right?”
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“No, not at-
“Fine, babe. We’ll do it your way.”
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“God, you make me crazy.” I let out a frustrated growl. He moved to leave the truck but I pulled him back. “Wait. This conversation isn’t done.”
“No?”
“No,” I snapped. “I don’t want to kiss you in front of anyone until we know where we’re going with this. It has nothing to do with my dad. And for your information, my dad isn’t like that. He knows me enough to know that if I want to date someone, it’s my decision and he trusts me to make it. Brock, on the other hand…”
“Fuck,” he whispered.
“I’m gonna go.”
“Wait, babe.” Alex grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“You really not gonna kiss me?”
I couldn’t stop a sigh of relief as I shook my head. “Does it make you feel better to know I want to just as much as you do?”
“Doubtful,” he grumbled.
I squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry if I said something earlier.”
“You didn’t.”
“Yeah, the silent treatment the whole way home proved that.”
Alex sighed. “Babe, you sayin‘ shit like I’m ‘breakin‘ the cycle‘ drives home the fact that I’m fuckin‘ failin‘ at it.”
“So I did say something.”
“Fuck me, Payton. You ever not intuitive?”
“I’m paid to be intuitive,” I said. “It makes me a good teacher.”
He nodded. “Look. You have a charmed life, good family, fuckin great friends-”
“And you don’t?”
“It’s different, Payton. My club’s my family outside of Kayla and Lily. Before the club, I never had friends I could trust like you can trust yours.” He dragged his hands through his hair. “I know I’m fuckin‘ Lily up big time. Shit, her teacher even said she’s behind in her language skills and asked me if I read to her at night… like if I don’t, I should be ashamed.”
“And do you?”
“If I’m home… sometimes. But not always.” He frowned. “I’m not breakin‘ any cycles, babe. I’m just makin‘ new ones to fuck up my daughter.”
“So I hit a nerve,” I observed, and smiled.
“Yeah, babe, you hit a nerve.”
“Can I put my two cents in regarding Lily… purely from a professional standpoint?”
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“Have at it.”
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“Okay, I’m not sure why her teacher would say she’s behind in lier language skills. Yes, she sometimes says words a little softer than other girls her age, has some difficulty saying her r’s, but she forms full and coherent sentences and understands what you’re saying to her, so in my opinion, she’s right on track She also has a pretty good sense of what people she can trust, considering I heard her crying for a little while in the store before she stopped and talked to me. She inherently knew I’d help her. I think her teacher is either an insensitive cow, or wants to offer up her personal services to help Lily in the hopes of getting in your pants.”
It took him a second to respond but then he let out a booming laugh that filled the cab of the truck. I was so distracted by the sound, I didn’t register him reaching for me until his mouth was on mine and I was melting into his arms.
I broke the kiss and dropped my forehead to his arm. “Alex.”
“In less than five minutes, you’ve erased the fear I’ve had for years, babe.” He stroked my cheek. “I won’t apologize for kissin‘ you.”
I met his eyes. “I was just telling you the truth. I do think Lily’s perfectly fine. If she wasn’t, I’d say that too.”
He kissed me again.
“Alex,” I said, smiling against his lips. “You can’t keep kissing me when I tell you the truth. Our mouths will be permanently attached if that’s the case.”
“Explain why that would be a problem,” he retorted.
“Just imagine trying to track down some bad guy with my mouth attached to yours.”
He grinned. “Minor point made… maybe.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do you need more examples?”
“I’m good.” He smiled at me. A smile that went to my soul.
“I need to go,” I whispered, shifting away from him.
He nodded and reached for my hand again. “Thanks, babe.”
I smiled. “Not sure what I did, but you’re welcome.”
He climbed from the cab, made his way to my side, and pulled open the door. I jumped down and grabbed my purse, hitting the trunk button on my key fob.
“Want some help?” Alex asked.
“No, I’m good. Just have to see if Macey left a bag,” I said, and peered inside. “Which she did.” I pulled our shopping bags out and then closed the trunk.
“Thanks for tonight, babe,” Alex said, and smiled.
“I’m always up for burgers and boats.”
He chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Will I see you before Thanksgiving?”
“Babe, Thanksgiving’s over a week away.”
“You say that like I’m not aware of that fact,” I retorted.
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“Yeah, you’ll see me before Thanksgiving. I’ll call you”
“Maybe I’ll answer.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You’ll answer
I cocked my head. “We’ll see, handsome”
“I’m gonna kiss you, babe”
“Nope,” I said even as I raised my head.
He chuckled and bent part of the way, forcing me to stand on tiptoe to reach him.
“You’re a butt,” I said just before his mouth covered mine.
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I found the bags in my hands obtrusive, especially since I wanted to touch him, so I dropped them to the ground and wove my fingers into his hair. I was grateful it was dark, but even if it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have objected. There was something about kissing Alex James that made me want more. I liked him. A lot.
1 forced myself to break the kiss, dropping my forehead to his chest. He pulled me closer, tugging gently on my ponytail. I raised my head so I could meet his eyes. “You’re still a butt.”
He chuckled, “Told you I was going to wear you down.”
“Hmm–mm. We’ll see.” I picked up my bags again and rifled through my purse for my keys.
“Sure I can’t help you carry those?”
I shook my head. “I’m good.”
“I’ll wait for you to get inside.”
“Okay,” I smiled. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Anytime, babe,” he said, and I let myself inside, leaning against the door for a minute to catch my breath.
I fired off a text to my mom to let her know I was home, and then one to Macey to let her know I had her stuff. Then I locked up, set the alarm, and headed to my room with a glass of wine. Time to process.
