Chapter 136
Chapter 136
ATASHA’S POV
59
155 voletiers
“Why bring me back here?” I asked as we stepped into the cave’s mouth. Our hands were linked. He led, and I kept pace.
“To breathe,” he said simply. “We’ve been inside the walls for days, fighting, planning, surrounded by people. I wanted a place where no one’s watching.”
I felt my face heat up before I could stop it. It was ridiculous how easily a few words from him could do that. I was glad he wasn’t looking at me.
We moved farther in. I could already hear the pool ahead. Our footsteps echoed the same way they did the first night we hid here.
“How did you find this place?” I asked.
“When I was younger,” he said, like he was giving a report. “I’d come to places I didn’t remember. Mendez told you it was easier to hold me down back then. That’s true. Smaller body. Less damage when they tried. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t able to overpower them.”
“You don’t remember any of it?”
“Most nights? No. Sometimes, during the day, pieces come back, short flashes. Like a sound or a smell. Blood on my hands and no idea whose. The path here is one of the few I could retrace even when I couldn’t think straight.”
We cleared the narrow bend, and the cave opened to the pool, a wide bowl of water catching thin strands of light from a pearl above. The surface barely moved. The air was colder here.
Cassian stopped at the edge. “When the moon turns red, I don’t remember much. The faces blur and names vanish. It’s different with you.”
I blinked. “Different how?”
“I remember.” His gaze shifted to me. “Not everything. But I remember enough. That’s how it is with mates.”
Almost immediately, the ceremony flashed through my head. He’d said mates changed everything. He wasn’t lying. After drinking from the cup, my body felt steadier, stronger. My ability sat close to the surface, like it wanted to move without me asking.
Then my thoughts drifted to him. How many years he must have lived like this. Alone. Hiding in caves when the red moon came. Fighting through nights he couldn’t even remember. I pictured him younger, smaller, waking up surrounded by claw marks on stone and blood on his hands, not knowing what he had done or who he had hurt. No one beside him. No one to tell him it wasn’t his fault.
The way he’d said “to breathe” earlier finally made sense. This cave wasn’t just shelter. It was where he hid from everyone and everything, even himself. All those years, he’d been surviving, not living. Every full moon must have been a reminder of what he’d lost, his control, his family, his peace.
15:40 Thu, Oct 9
Chapter 136
a
59
The realization made my chest ache. I understood now why he always seemed so guarded, so distant. He wasn’t heartless, he was used to being alone. It wasn’t strength that kept him that way, it was habit.
He turned then, catching my chin between his fingers and tilting my face up. His eyes held mine, as if he’d seen the thoughts forming behind them.
“Don’t pity me,” he said.
My mouth opened to argue. He touched a finger to my lips.
“Don’t. I can feel it,” His voice dropped. “Once I mark you, the curse lifts.”
I froze. Right. Drinking was only the first half. The other-
My eyes flicked to the pool. My heart started to race before I even knew why.
Then I heard the sound of metal. When I turned, Cassian was unfastening the buckles across his chest. He set the first piece down carefully, the dark leather and steel hitting the stone with a dull thud. It was a brigandine, reinforced with thin plates hidden beneath the hide, something meant for battle, not comfort.
One by one, he loosened the straps at his shoulders, removing the next layer. He then tugged at the laces until it fell open, revealing the lighter linen tunic underneath.
By then, I understood what he was doing, but my brain refused to catch up. My heart pounded harder as he grabbed the hem of his tunic and pulled it over his head. The muscles in his arms flexed with the motion, the torchlight tracing the scars that crossed his back and shoulders, old wounds, deep ones, the kind that never truly faded. The kind that even my ability could not heal.
My eyes went wide before I managed to turn around, palms suddenly hot where they clutched my cloak. “You could have warned me,” I muttered.
“I could have,” he said.
Water rippled behind me. I kept my eyes fixed on the nearest wall instead. It was rough, uneven, with old tool marks carved into the stone, marks left by miners or soldiers long before us. It was safe to look at. Boring and yes, it was exactly what I needed to keep my thoughts from going somewhere they shouldn’t.
“Look at me,” he said.
I froze. My first instinct was to pretend I hadn’t heard him. My grip on the edge of my cloak tightened, and I focused even harder on that wall, counting the small cracks and dents like they mattered. But ignoring Cassian never really worked.
His voice came again, firmer this time, closer. “Atasha.”
I hesitated, my heart thudding so loudly it felt like the sound filled the whole cave. Then, slowly, I turned.
Cassian was already in the pool. The water reached just above his waist, rippling faintly around him. He was facing me this time, not turning away like before. The pearl light from the cave wall caught on the surface of the water, outlining the shape of his torso, his strong, solid torso.
15:40 Thu, Oct 9
Chapter 136
55 vouchern
I’d seen him like this countless times, during training, after battles, when he returned covered in blood and exhaustion, but this was the first time there wasn’t armor, blood, or distance between us. There was nothing to distract me from the man standing in front of me.
The faint light traced every line of muscle, every mark that told a story of what he’d survived. My throat went dry. I told myself to look away, to stop staring, but my eyes didn’t listen right away. When they finally did, I turned sharply, clutching my cloak as if it could stop the heat crawling up my neck. “Cassian-”
“I’m not going to touch you without your say,” he said, still facing the water. “I’m telling you what happens next so you choose with both eyes open.”
I nodded, even if he couldn’t see it.
“The mark isn’t something meant to be witnessed,” he said. “It’s something you live with. It’ll sting for a moment, your skin will burn, your chest will tighten, and mine will do the same. But it fades quickly.”
“Where?” My voice came out thin.
His head turned slightly. “Here.” He tapped the place where neck met shoulder. “It won’t scar, but it will stay.”
“But… I will be gentle,” he added, like he was trying to reassure me. The words didn’t quite fit him. Cassian and gentleness never belonged in the same sentence. The idea alone made a chill run down my spine. Then he held his hand towards me. “Come…”
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