“I have something for you,” Ivan said.
55
We were standing on the back deck. Upstairs in the house, the children were getting ready for bed. Leo was talking to his dad on the phone. Out here, the mood was calm and steady. I was still reveling in the feeling of having my children under one roof.
Everything was almost perfect, and I was allowing myself to feel happiness for it. I hadn’t stayed happy like this, for this long, in what felt like forever. It had almost been two full days now of my joy.
This lighthearted feeling even made me more open to Ivan. He had always been such a good friend and a stalwart protecter He was older than me, closer to fifty, but he was steady and strong and safe – something I had come to value after everything that happened six years ago.
My time with Gideon had been unpredictable. While the emotions – the love – had been more powerful, the cost had been far greater.
With Ivan, every day was more or less the same. While I didn’t feel romantic love toward him, instead I felt a contentedness and a friendship. Maybe that could grow over time.
Maybe, eventually, I would stop feeling like something was missing.
As I turned toward Ivan now, he procured a small velvet box from his pocket. Holding it up for me, he opened it. Inside was a beautiful silver engagement ring with a square–cut diamond. The design was simple yet precise. Distinguished yet understated, very much like Ivan himself.
It was not the kind of ring I would have picked out for myself.
I didn’t hate it exactly. It was fine. It just… wasn’t right.
I couldn’t tell that to Ivan, though, who was looking at me expectantly. After all he had done for me, I would never scoff at a ring. And it was beautiful, even if it wasn’t my style.
“It’s beautiful, Ivan, thank you,” I said. That much was true, at least.
“May I put it on your finger?” he asked.
I swallowed harder than what felt necessary, confused by the lump that seemed to be rising in my throat.
“Yes, of course.”
I held up my hand for him. He plucked the ring from the box and slid it onto my left ring finger.
The square diamond sat awkwardly against my skin.
Ivan leaned in like he was going to kiss me, but he turned at the last minute to place a soft kiss against my cheek. It took all I had not to pull away.
I wasn’t repulsed by Ivan. He was a handsome, older man, and a dear friend.
Yet even so, I could not bring myself to stir up any romantic feelings for him. I hoped, in time, that would change. I was determined to make this work between us.
“If you don’t like it, I –” he started.
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Chapter 149
“No, I do. Really,” I tried to say.
“Clare, I want you to be… happy…”
His voice trailed as my phone started to ring.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, as I fished the phone out of my pocket. The caller ID on the screen read Gideon.
“Ignore it,” Ivan said at once.
* 55
殂飯
“I can’t,” I told him. “If we are going to successfully co–parent, I can’t shut him out. I don’t want to give him any reason to take Leo away too soon or to deny us another visit.”
“If he tried it, I would intervene,” Ivan said.
While I appreciated his protectiveness, the more sensible option seemed to just answer the phone and find out what Gideon
needed.
I answered the call. “This is Raven… um, Claire.”
“I’ve just talked to Leo,” Gideon said.”
“I trust it was a nice phone call?” I asked. He was building to something, and I didn’t like being left in the dark.
“He told me he and Nova compared birthdays, and that they are the same, even down to the year.”
At once, I felt like the floor was opening up beneath me and I was falling through. A word of warning flew across my mind, and I knew in my heart it was true.
He knows about Nova.
“Don’t lie to me here,” Gideon said. “I will have the truth about this, if nothing else. In this, I am entitled.” He drew a breath, like he was preparing himself.
I wasn’t prepared. At all.
“Is Nova my daughter?”
It was so painful for me to admit. The ache in my chest was like a steamroller plowing through. But he was right. He did deserve to know. And there wasn’t much I could do to hide it now. Leo and Nova did have the same birthday. That truth would have come out eventually.
“Yes,” I said. “She is.”
Silence sat on the other end of the line for a terribly long moment. During it, all I could really hear was the pounding of my own heart in my ears.
“I want to see her. Like how you are seeing Leo. Nova should come here and stay at my pack house for one week each month,” he said.
I wanted to deny him, but I felt, if I tried, he might take away my visitations with Leo. Even so, I wouldn’t consent without Nova’s permission.
“I need to talk to Nova first,” I said. “If she agrees, then so will I.”
Gideon was quiet again. Just as I almost pushed my point further, he said, “I will await your answer.”
Then he hung up.
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Chapter 149
Ivan must have overheard some of the conversation, as fury burned in his eyes.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said. “I can protect all of you.”
55
IT 6h your hors
I gently shook my head. I wanted to keep the peace, for the children’s sake if nothing else. Being at war with Gideon would be hell for Leo.
And I wasn’t so sure how I would feel about it either.
“I’ll speak with Nova.”
I decided not to waste any time, knowing Gideon was waiting, and went to see Nova at that moment. She was in her bedroom in her pajamas, likely waiting for me to come and tuck her in.
I sat beside her on the bed, then patted the spot beside me to indicate she should join me. When she did, she looked up at me, studying my face.
“What is it, Mommy?”
“I have been keeping a secret from you,” I said. “But you are old enough now, you should know.” I drew in a long breath. Gods, this was difficult. “Gideon is your real father.”
She looked at me somewhat blankly.
“I have been speaking to him, and he would like to see you as we see Leo. You would have to go to his pack house one week per month and –”
“You lied to me,” Nova said. It felt as if she was stabbing me with a icepick, with that simple sentence.
“I…” I guessed that I did lie to her, but it had been a lie of omission. I doubted the technicalities of it all made much difference to a six year old. She could only see the betrayal, only feel the pain.
“I wanted to protect you,” I finished.
Nova started to cry and my entire heart cracked into tiny pieces. “You lied to me… How could you? Why would you…?”
“Nova, please. I just —”
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” she said, covering her face with her hands.
Watching her, I felt helpless.
