I had no idea what the conversation was that I had just walked in on. I hadn’t really been listening to their words as I approached, lost in my own thoughts. But now that I was here, I wished I had paid attention.
The tension in the room was thick.
After a moment though, where they both stared at me with neither really saying anything, I brushed off the terse feelings I had just walked in on, deciding it was likely more Alpha posturing.
Gideon had arrived unannounced, breaking the terms of the agreement they had already decided upon. This clearly annoyed Ivan. In fact, he likely saw this as a kind of insult. It made sense then that he would be annoyed by Gideon, enough to give the room the kind of feeling like everyone was standing on the edge of a knife.
Since I had a good friendship with both men, I had some confidence as I moved further into the room that I could help smooth things over between them.
“Did you get to see Leo?” I asked Gideon.
“Yes,” Gideon said, and nothing else.
I looked from Gideon to Ivan, who had placed his elbow on the armrest of the chair and was now touching his thumb and forefinger to the side of his face.
“I’m sure seeing Gideon made Leo very happy.” I said.
Ivan hummed.
“You don’t have to defend me,” Gideon said to me. “I know what I did.”
I didn’t know why he couldn’t just stay quiet. Couldn’t he see that I was trying to help him? I was the one with the connection to Ivan, and the one who could get him out of trouble here. But Gideon seemed determined to stay in trouble, like he was looking for a fight. It was very frustrating.
Inching toward Gideon, I tried to make him understand. “Let me help. My word holds weight here, and Ivan –”
“I already know all about you and Ivan,” he said, nearly snarling as he said you and Ivan.
I blinked, confused. What did he mean by that? He knew about our friendship? Then why was he acting like there was something wrong with that?
He gave me a stern look for a moment, then sighed, letting his gaze fall away to the side. “I’ll leave now. I won’t make any more trouble. I just want you to be happy, Raven, no matter what that looks like for you.”
With those words, I was even more confused. What on earth was he talking about?
“I am happy,” I said, though that wasn’t entirely true. I was happy enough. I had Nova and Leo under the same roof. And now Gideon was here too, which gave me a comforted kind of feeling, more than I wanted to admit to anyone, including myself.
I liked having him here, with the children. With me. In a more perfect world, we never would have been parted to begin
with.
But that was never up to me. Gideon had fallen for Daphne’s lies and I had nearly died because of it. Though I wanted him to be around his children, I needed to remain hard against him, not allowing him back into my heart.
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Chapter 93
I needed to let him go.
“I’ll see myself out,” Gideon said and turned toward the door.
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He only took one step when I reached out and grabbed him, my fingers hooking onto his forearm, my heart in my throat.
I hadn’t thought, just reacted. In that moment, I hadn’t wanted him to leave, instinctively worried it might be forever. The way he had looked away… it felt like he was closing himself off. I didn’t want to be on the outside of that.
But now, having done it, I realized how impulsive I had been, and internally scolded myself. What was I thinking? I didn’t want to be any closer to Gideon than I already was. What did it matter to me if he closed himself off? My duty was only ever to protect my children.
To fully accomplish that, I needed a decent friendship with Gideon, but it didn’t have to be more than it was. It was okay for me to be on the outside of his heart.
Gideon looked at my hand, and then up to me.
Immediately, I dropped his arm and backed away. He stayed still, as if waiting for something, but I didn’t say a single word, not wanting to expose my inner most feelings or make things worse.
Gideon waited a moment more, and then walked out of the room.
Ivan and I stayed quiet until his footsteps disappeared down the hallway. I trusted Ivan’s instincts to tell me when Gideon had fully gone.
“Do not let him get to you,” Ivan said.
“He was angry,” I replied.
“Not at you,” Ivan said. “At me.”
That didn’t make it better. “We are supposed to be working together to protect Leo.
“And we are.”
“If he doesn’t feel Leo is safe here, he might want us to go back to his pack,” I said, voicing some of my suspicions. “Maybe it’s the strain on him, from his distance with Leo, that’s making him act so angry. If we allow him to see Leo more, then…”
I didn’t fully know if that would help, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. The thought of Leo going back to Gideon’s pack house right now, with all the vultures surrounding it was too much to bear. I would follow of course, I would protect my son with my life, but things would be so much more difficult there than they were here.
“Even if Gideon wishes to have Leo back, perhaps we can negotiate with him,” Ivan said. “When Leo needs protection, he could be sent here, rather than you going to Gideon’s pack. While he’s here, you would have practical custody of Leo. And, if we need to, we could utilize ‘certain methods‘ to keep Leo here with us.”
I could see the appeal and the advantages. I loved my son so much, and to have him here with me would be a dream come
true.
But if doing so meant that we would have to lie to Leo and Gideon, or keep Leo in perceived danger, even if he was out of real danger, seemed too unkind.
Leo still loved his father. He was attached. And the last thing I really wanted to do was pull Leo away from someone that he loved so much.
The idea still tempted me, but I would never be able to go through with it. The cost would be too great.
“No,” I said. “I can’t separate a boy from his father.”
16:39 Mon, Jan 19 MG.
Chapter 93
“Not even so he can stay with his mother?”
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“He doesn’t know me like that,” I said. “And besides, he will always have me, even if I have to go and stay there to protect
him.”
Ivan frowned at me, not hiding his disappointment, but to his credit, he didn’t say anything else to try to sway me. His opinion was clear, but he still accepted mine.
Instead he said, “Gideon is gone. You can remove your mask again. It’s safe.”
“No,” I said. That had been too close of a call. Gideon had very nearly discovered my secret. “I feel much safer with it on.”
I believed that I would leave the mask on for a long time to come.
I would not risk my secret being exposed again.
AD
