Chapter 40
“I can’t be average,” I say, my voice breaking.
“Are you average?” he asks me.
“Apparently in Finance class, I am,” I say.
“Are you average, Sebastiana?” he asks me again.
I shrug. “I’d like to think I’m better than average. My family is, so I should be.”
He stops and looks at me. “Are you average, Sebastiana?” he says, more slowly as if I’m missing the point of his question.
I wrap my arms around myself. “What if I am?” I whisper.
“What if you are?” he asks.
The tears begin falling again. “Then I’ve failed my family.”
“Why is being average a failure? Many Alpha heirs who come to the Academy are no better than average and they never will be. They still become Alphas, they still lead their packs, and no one seems to mind. So why is it a failure for you, Sebastiana?”
“You know my family. You know why average isn’t good enough.”
“I do know your family. I know them very well. I went to school with your mother, remember?” he asks. “Your father was one of my instructors.”
I nod.
He’s quiet a moment. “What’s constitutes being average to you, Sebastiana?”
“Nothing less than being the best is good enough,” I say.
He raises an eyebrow at me.
“So, if you’re not the best, you’re average?”
I shrug. He makes it sound like I’m being unreasonable.
10:06
“You’d better not tell your mother that. She was number two on the leaderboard and I was number three. Am I average to you, Sebastiana?”
“It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Was your ENTIRE family on the leaderboard? Mom may have been number two, but she was the first ever female Alpha to make it to the leaderboard. She blazed the trail for other female Alphas to come to the Academy”
“Yes, she did. And she did it as number two on the leaderboard. She could have done the same thing without even making the leaderboard. I don’t consider your mother average, and I don’t consider myself average either, young Alpha. I think you need to reconsider what constitutes average in your mind. You’ve set an exceedingly high bar for yourself to achieve, it’s higher than most. You’ve put a huge amount of pressure on yourself to not only succeed, but to be the best of everyone who has come before you.”
“That’s not true,” I interrupt. “I just want to be as good as they were.”
“But at some point, someone came along and knocked them off the leaderboard, didn’t they? Doesn’t that mean that the Alpha who pushed them out of first place was better than they were? Better than your father, better than Dane, better than your mother, better than Ryan, and now you’ re trying to be better than Christian. You aren’t fighting mediocrity, Sebi, you’re fighting the ghosts of your family to be better than they are. Do you think that your parents would be any less proud if their children were in the number one and number two positions on the leaderboard, regardless of which one was in the number one position? And what about Enya? She’s currently number five on the leaderboard. Do you think Christian feels like he settled because his mate didn’t make it to number one on the leaderboard?”
I think about what he’s saying. I’d never considered that bumping Christian out of the number one spot meant that I’d be better than he is. I’m not even sure that’s possible. My brother is as close to perfect as it gets. I just wanted to achieve what the others in my family have achieved.
