Chapter 179
FAYE
When Alexander turned to face me, his eyes had that quiet depth that always made me feel seen…not judged, not questioned, just… seen.
I half expected him to still be distant after the way I brushed him off earlier, but he wasn’t. He just looked calm…the kind of calm that was both grounding and unnerving at once.
He reached out, his fingers brushing my arm lightly, as if testing whether it was safe to close the distance. “Hey,” he said softly. “I’m not mad, okay?”
I didn’t even realize how tense I’d been until the moment he said it.
“I know,” I murmured, though the guilt in my chest made the words feel heavier than they should’ve.
Then, just when I thought the atmosphere between us might turn serious again, he tilted his head slightly, his lips curving into a small, teasing smile. “I must admit,” he said, in that lazy, confident tone of his, “you do kind of look sexy when you’re annoyed. I’m just saying.”
My mouth fell open. “What?”
He shrugged like he was stating a fact, that damn grin still playing at the corners of his mouth.
“Alexander!”
“What?” He laughed…a low, rumbling sound that always got to me, no matter what mood I was in.
I couldn’t help it…I laughed too, even as I smacked his chest lightly. “You’re so mean.”
“I’m honest,” he corrected, grinning.
For a few blissful seconds, the tension that had been sitting like a storm cloud over us all day lifted. We just… breathed. It was such a simple moment…me teasing him, him pretending to be innocent…but it grounded me. That was the thing about Alexander; no matter how bad things got, he always had a way of making me feel steady again.
But it didn’t last. The laughter faded, and the silence that followed wasn’t the easy kind. My smile faltered as I looked down at my hands. I felt the need to tell him the truth. Now that he was here with me…now that I’d seen how gentle he could be even when I wasn’t…it felt wrong to keep hiding it.
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Alexander must have sensed the shift because his grin softened. He didn’t speak; he just waited. That was one of the things I loved most about him…he never rushed me. He’d just look at me like this, patient and open, like he had all the time in the world to listen.
I took a deep breath, my heart hammering against my ribs. “Alexander…”
He hummed quietly in response.
“I…” My voice caught, so I tried again. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
His gaze held mine, steady, warm. “Okay.”
I closed my eyes briefly, trying to find the words. But there weren’t really any easy ones. So I just said it. “I can’t feel my wolf.”
For a second, I wished I could take it back. The words hung there between us, heavy and strange, and I immediately regretted saying them out loud.
He blinked, confusion flickering across his face. “What do you mean you can’t feel her?”
“I mean…” I hesitated, swallowing hard. “She’s gone… or asleep, or something…I don’t know. I just… can’t feel her anymore.”
The expression on his face shifted slowly…from confusion to shock, then to something else.
Concern.
“Since when?” he asked.
I looked down at my hands again, unable to meet his eyes. “Since Silver Hollow.”
He froze, like he was trying to replay everything that happened there in his mind. Then realization struck. I saw it in his face…that moment of clarity that made my stomach twist.
“After you…
after you brought me back?” he asked quietly.
I didn’t answer right away. My throat felt tight, my chest heavier than ever. Then, reluctantly, I nodded. “Yeah.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
He looked like someone had just punched the air out of him. His shoulders tensed as he sat up in bed, his jaw clenched, and I could see the guilt forming in his eyes even before he said anything.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Faye?” His voice was soft, but I could hear the hurt beneath it.
“I…” I sighed and shook my head. “Because I wasn’t sure what was happening. I thought
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maybe it was temporary. I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure.”
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He still didn’t say anything, and I could feel him retreating into that quiet space where he blamed himself for things that weren’t his fault. I hated that look on him…that mix of pain and self–reproach.
“And besides,” I continued quietly, “I didn’t want you to feel guilty. It’s not like we even know what caused it. I just didn’t want to make you feel like it was your fault when it wasn’t.”
“But it was,” he said almost under his breath. “It happened after…”
“It doesn’t matter,” I interrupted quickly. “Even if it was, I’d do it again, Alexander. Every time. You’re alive, and that’s what matters.”
He exhaled sharply and ran a hand through his hair, the movement frustrated. “Faye, that’s not the point. You shouldn’t have to lose a part of yourself because of me.”
The guilt in his tone made my chest ache.
“It’s not like I had a choice,” I said quietly. “You were dying. I didn’t even know how it happened… but I’m glad you’re alive and well.”
He shook his head. “You should’ve told me. If something’s wrong…if anything’s wrong…it’s not just your problem. It’s mine too.”
I looked at him, caught off guard by the firmness in his voice.
He reached out, his hand brushing against my cheek, his thumb tracing the edge of my jaw. “I don’t care if it’s something small or something this big…if it affects you, it affects me. That’s how this works, Faye.”
I hadn’t realized how much I’d been holding in until he said that. For days, I’d been pretending I was fine…smiling through the emptiness, training harder, keeping myself busy just so I wouldn’t have to think about the quiet in my head where my wolf’s voice used to be.
And now, here he was, looking at me like I wasn’t broken at all.
I blinked rapidly, but the tears came anyway, slipping down my cheeks before I could stop them. “I didn’t want to worry you, but I’m scared,” I whispered. “What if she never comes
back?”
“Hey.” His hand moved to the back of my neck, pulling me closer until our foreheads touched. “Don’t talk like that. You’ll be fine…I’m sure of that.”
“But I feel wrong,” I admitted, my voice trembling. “There’s just… silence. All the time. I keep waiting to hear her again, to feel her strength in the back of my mind, but it’s gone, Alexander.
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She’s gone.”
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His arms went around me immediately, pulling me against his chest. I pressed my face into him, breathing in his familiar scent.
He didn’t say anything for a while. He just held me, his hand moving slowly up and down my back in quiet reassurance.
“We’ll figure this out,” he said. “We’ll find out what happened and fix it. I don’t care what it takes.”
I wanted to believe him so badly it hurt.
“You don’t even know if it can be fixed,” I murmured.
“Then we’ll find someone who does,” he said simply. “There has to be something… some explanation. Wolves don’t just disappear.”
I pulled back a little to look at him. His eyes were fierce now, that determined spark lighting up behind the softness. It was the same look he got when he was planning strategy or preparing for a fight–only this time, it was for me.
He brushed a strand of hair from my face and gave me that small, reassuring smile of his.” We’ll figure it out,” he said again, softer this time. “I promise.”
I nodded, my voice barely audible. “Okay.”
