Chapter 19
Faith’s Pov
I was so incredibly tired. Every breath I took in this pack, every moment drained me. I hated it here. I truly hated being here.
But Astor wouldn’t let me go. That much was clear. And I desperately needed to find my father. I didn’t want to think about Alice or everything.
So, I decided to stay quiet. I decided to hide my anger and do exactly what he wanted, which was to stay here. Like a prisoner. Because that’s how I was treated. Maybe a fancy prison, but a prison all the same.
The Luna made it clear that I was on my own and I would never expect any help from anybody around here, so I lived my vain life.
Astor who used to stay away, like a shadow, was now always near me, a heavy feeling on my every move. He seemed to want to know my every step, my every choice, my very presence.
I wanted to lock myself in my room and never show my face again. Alice’s revelation from that day still echoed in my ears. But after the second day, I just couldn’t. Being shut in was worse than anything Alice could throw at me. I needed air. And I needed a real connection. I needed to breathe because I was suffocating in silence.
I didn’t want to ask questions, and I didn’t want to feel alone in my room. Everything was twice as hard.
I went to my safe place, my only real way out. And they missed me. Their small, eager faces, their free hugs, and their innocent questions were a comfort for my hurting spirit. And I missed them.
It was a very good feeling, natural and pure.
I could smile as much as I wanted even though my heart was a different
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matter but I enjoyed every second of it.
Until Astor came by while I was there.
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The sight of him, leaning against the doorframe, his usual serious face softened a little as he watched the children, made me stiffen
The friendly feeling I had with the kids disappeared. Everything felt awkward. Then he did something he had never done before.
He started playing with them. Not just watching, but really getting involved. He crouched down to their level, tossed a ball, and even tried to tell a joke that wasn’t funny, but the kids still laughed.
It was so unlike him, this playful, almost gentle Astor, that it made me feel very confused. He’d never done anything like this before. It felt… staged. Or worse, like he was trying to prove something. To me.
I wanted to stay away from pack jobs as much as I possibly could. The thought of stepping into any role, or being seen as more than someone who didn’t want to be there, made me want to run.
But everything was just out of order.
Calls for help went unanswered, small fights grew worse, and things like food and supplies were not used well. The pack was struggling, and it
bothered me.
I didn’t owe these people any loyalty, but somehow I felt obliged to help.
I had a natural urge to fix things and it was a strong feeling I couldn’t fight. So I stepped in.
I started organizing things, settling arguments, and giving out tasks. And when I reached a very hard problem, I did what felt natural, what I would have
done usually.
I thought I was helping, but somehow I was just giving him a different idea
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because later that evening, under the faint light of the two moons, he announced it. Standing before the entire pack, his voice was strong and clear, leaving no doubt.
He said strongly, “There will be a Luna ceremony. For Faith.”
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The words felt like a punch, knocking the breath out of me. A Luna ceremony. For me. It wasn’t a question, not an offer. It was a command, a strong chain tying me to this place, to him.
My face must have been pale. My shock was clear to see. The pack, however, all gasped at once. Then they started to whisper, and soon these whispers turned into wonder.
There was a shift in their respect, yes. I know they didn’t like me, but they obviously thought that he liked me.
He has never stood up for me in front of them. Instead, he always made them feel validated in mistreating me, so this was different from the norm.
I was honestly just as confused as they were because the man who used to look at me like I was some sort of disease seemed to want me around.
Astor kept me inside the pack’s land after that and somehow it made him even more paranoid than he was.
No more attempts to run, no more.
Searches for my father beyond these invisible walls.
But he did allow me some freedom. Freedom to walk the lands that would soon belong to me, freedom to talk with the people who now showed me respect, freedom to take on the jobs I had, maybe without meaning to. Freedom, in short, to be the Alpha’s mate, the future Luna.
But it wasn’t freedom. It was a different kind of prison. And I still needed to find my father. This new reality, this future I couldn’t avoid, suddenly felt like a
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trap.
don’t know what makes him think that it will make me forget, especially that
he slept with my sister.
I already had my reasons for wanting to go as far from him as possible, but that is not something I can look away from because it’s all I see before I sleep at night.
The thought of the two of them together is starting to be a nightmare I cannot run away from, even though Alice is not here anymore.
I don’t understand why Astor even chased her away because she just disappeared out of thin air, and I heard whispers that she left the day I came
back.
But that doesn’t change anything.
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thought Asters overbearing presence was bad, but the wooing began
subh First came the gifts of wildflowers, then a carved wooden wolf, but
none of those impressed me
I was a woman scored, and everything he did temporarily made my heart flutter, but I still couldn’t find him genuine.
He tried talking to me softly, bringing me meals himself, even making my favorite tea. His eyes burned with something desperate when he looked at me. He reached for my hand, brushed my hair aside, tried to break down the
walls I’d built.
But I stayed cold. Each gift, each kind word, only made me angrier. He was chasing the ghost of the girl who had once loved him, a girl who no longer
existed.
I ignored his efforts. I kept my answers short, my face blank.
His frustration grew. I saw it in the way his jaw clenched, the way his eyes darkened. But he didn’t stop.
One night, after dinner, he cornered me in the hallway. His scent, pine and power, surrounded me. He put his hand on the wall beside my head, trapping me without touching me.
“Faith,” he said with a rough voice. I could feel his wolf battling to take
control. “What do I have to do to make you look at me again?”
I met his eyes, letting him see the coldness inside me.
“Give me my freedom.”
“You have freedom,” he argued. “Everything you need is here.”
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I shook my head.
No, it’s not.” My voice was flat. “And I need to tell you something. I don’t love you anymore, Astor. Whatever we had, it’s gone. You killed it. Let me go.”
He really did.
His face changed to hurt, disbelief, then anger. A slow, dangerous smile curled his lips.
“You don’t mean that,” he said, voice cold. “You’re angry, but you just admitted that you loved me, which means that you still do, and I will prove it to you. Every day. Until you forgive me.”
He refused to believe me.
And so, I remained trapped in a beautiful cage, surrounded by a pack that pretended to accept me and an Alpha who refused to let me go.
Inside, I was already gone.
The pack members, who had ignored or mocked me before, were suddenly acting differently. They smiled too much. Their voices were too sweet. I wasn’t stupid. I could tell it was all an act.
They suddenly wanted to play nice because they figured their alpha wanted to keep me around instead of their favorite, but it pissed me off more instead of making me happy.
I was the second choice. They suddenly wanted to kiss ass because Alice
was not here.
The girl who would always know him in ways that I never will, and it stung.
I was starting to lose myself in between all of this, and maybe I lost myself a very long time ago. In fact, I don’t think I even got the chance to know who I was before all of this.
I have no one to turn to except Alpha Sander–Astor’s father. Unlike his son, Sander was wise and fair. Perhaps he could persuade Astor to see reason.
Maybe he could help me.
It’s hard for me to find him. Since he retired, he always does whatever he wants. And he always liked to be alone.
I found Sander in his study, surrounded by old books, and he looked up as I
entered, his silver eyes calm.
“Faith,” he said, nodding slightly.
I think the Dynamics of our relationship changed the day I came back because I said some things to him that he obviously there in appreciate even
though they were true.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight with fear.
“Alpha Sander, I need your help. I can’t stay here like this. Astor’s keeping me against my will I need to find my father and I need to leave.” I said to him because he seemed very surprised when I mentioned my father, unlike his
mate.
He gestured for me to sit. I did, my hands shaking.
“What’s going on with your, Faith? I thought you were happy.” He said, his
voice steady.
I don’t know what gave him the indication that I was ever happy because even a fool could see how much I was drowning.
“Why can’t any of you understand that it is my choice who I want to marry. I gave Astor and our relationship an honest chance, and it didn’t work out, so why are you constantly making me suffer like I’m the only one responsible for
this?” I asked.
“My son is arrogant, convinced of his own infallibility. He dismisses all
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counsel but mine–a grave error for any Alpha. I believe you are the one who
can change him.” Sander sighed. “Astor oves you, Faith. He obviously did something to make you feel like this, but I’m sure you guys can talk about it. That’s no reason to want to leave.”
I thought he cared, but he is just like the rest.
“But it’s not what I want!” My voice rose in frustration.
“Astor’s stubborn,” Sander admitted. “He’s made up his mind. I won’t go against him because he is now the alpha of this pack, but you wouldn’t know that because you missed the ceremony. Why can’t you give him another chance, Faith?”
My hope died then because a part of me was starting to warm up to the attention Astor was showering on me. I craved it more than anything in the world because it’s one thing he kept away from me despite being always near, and now that we had so much distance between us, he was showering me with all of his attention.
I pretended not to notice, I pretended not to smile or not to be touched by everything that he did, but I was softening up, and I hate it because it doesn’t take away what they did.
How can I forgive him for running into her arms? Why Alice of all people? Why did she have to be the one that everybody in my life chose?
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