Chapter 38
His face was a furious storm, a terrifying mix of dangerous jealousy and raw anger. His jaw was tight, his eyes narrowed, and a deep flush spread across his cheeks. I braced myself, ready for the explosion, ready for anything but this. But then, to my total surprise, his shoulders dropped. The anger seemed to drain out of him, leaving a strange, quiet desperation.
“Please,” he said, his voice surprisingly soft. “Can we just talk?”
I felt a weary sigh escape me. “I’m tired of talking, Astor,” I told him, my voice flat. Because that’s all we ever did. We talked, we argued and we always, always end up in the same place. No closer to understanding where we
stand, or where we were going.
He shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t want to apologize or make promises,” he said, his gaze fixed on some point beyond my shoulder. “I don’t think I
deserve that right now.”
My head snapped up. Whiplash. That’s exactly what it felt like. One moment he was a raging Alpha, the next he was… this. Humble? Broken? I didn’t know what to think of him anymore. My mind was a tangled mess.
“Why are you doing all of this?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “Nothing will change.” I just wanted things to go back to how they were. Before all the pain, before all the confusion. I wanted him to go back to ignoring me, so I could try really try to forget my feelings for him. That felt safer.
–
He took a step closer, his eyes finally meeting mine, full of an raw emotion I couldn’t quite decipher. “Can you just listen to me?” he pleaded. “Without responding, without saying anything. I just want to say a few things to you. After that, it’s your choice what happens.”
I looked into his eyes, searching for a trick, a lie. But there was only this strange, vulnerable honesty. A part of me screamed to run, to refuse. But
another part, a smaller, quieter part, knew there was no escaping him, not really. Not until I heard him out. I nodded, a slow, reluctant morenet
“Let’s go,” he said, and before I could even process it, his hand reached ou and found mine. His touch brought back the sparks, I didn’t pull away, I didn‘ argue. I just let him lead me, wondering where he was taking me
I expected him to lead us back to the pack house, to his office. So, I was completely surprised when he turned in the opposite direction, away from the familiar buildings and sounds of our pack.
We walked in silence for what felt like an eternity, maybe five minutes, but filled with unspoken questions. The air was cool against my skin. The tension between us was thick, a silent hum. Then, we stopped.
It was a small, hidden space I never knew existed around the Pack lands. A little clearing, tucked away behind a thick cluster of ancient oak trees. The sunlight dappled through the leaves, painting shifting patterns on the ground. It was beautiful, filled with a burst of color from wildflowers I’d never seen before – vibrant blues, soft yellows, fiery reds, all swaying gently in a breeze only they seemed to feel.
A simple wooden bench sat beneath a weeping willow. I sat down, my gaze sweeping across the peaceful scene. A genuine smile, small and soft, touched my lips. I loved nature, and this place felt like a breath of fresh air after the suffocating storm inside me.
“This is my favorite place,” Astor said quietly, his voice a low rumble beside me. He looked around, his eyes distant, as if reliving countless memories in this quiet sanctuary. “Whenever I need a break, or just need to think, this is
where I come.”
I didn’t say anything, but my mind whirled. I hadn’t known this about him. And why was he bringing me here, to his secret place? It felt intensely personal, a level of intimacy I hadn’t expected, especially not from him.
4 Chapter 38
He cleared his throat, pulling my attention back to him. His gaze was fixed on the colorful flowers now, as if they held the answers he was searching for “1 didn’t believe in love,” he began, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know, it sounds crazy, doesn’t it? My parents… they would literally die for each other. They look at each other like the sun rises and sets with them. But I always thought that was just the mate bond.”
He turned to me then, his eyes searching mine. “I believed it was a feeling forced on you. Something you had no choice but to accept, a destiny laid out by the ancestors. And in a way,” he paused, “the mate bond is something you can’t control, something you don’t choose. But it’s more than that, isn’t it?”
My chest tightened.
“I have an obsession with control,” he admitted, his voice laced with a raw honesty that stung. “Probably because I never chose to be who I am. From the moment I could walk, I knew I would be the Alpha of this pack. So, 1 thought I should at least have the right to choose who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Who I wanted to love. But then… you came along.”
He let out a short, hollow laugh, devoid of humor. “I think I resented you the moment I met you. You were just… a ray of sunshine. A bright, annoying glow in my carefully ordered world. You had a smile that looked like the rest of the world didn’t affect you. And I thought, ‘It must be nice to have it so easy in life.‘ Especially since you were about to become the mate of an Alpha, without having done anything to earn it in my eyes.”
The words were like daggers, sharp and precise. He had judged me. He had hated me. My throat burned.
“I judged you,” he continued, his voice heavy with regret. “And it wasn’t hard to make assumptions about you because I had people whispering things in my ears. Lies. And I believed them.”
The truth hurt more than I thought it possibly could. A sharp stab in my
Chapter 38
$25 Ports
chest, leaving a cold ache. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, fighting
back the tears that pricked at them. I had promised I would listen. I wouldn’t
speak. But I couldn’t stop the unwanted, burning tears from finally spilling
down my cheeks.
“I watched you for years,” he confessed, his voice growing rougher. “Every time, I hoped. I hoped that you would fail. That you would be bad at something. Anything. So that I could justify why I hated you, or find a reason to hate you even more. But you didn’t. You excelled at everything. You worked harder than anyone. You made friends. You were good.”
He paused, taking a shaky breath. “I don’t want you to forgive me anymore,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. “Because that would be forcing you to do something you don’t want to do. But… I’m just asking if you would give me a chance to make up for everything. And I’m not forcing you this time. I’m not perfect, I know that. But I know I can be everything you deserve.”
My tears were coming faster now but I still kept quiet.
Then, he dropped another bombshell. “I don’t want you to give me a chance because you feel like you have to save your father’s life,” he stated, his voice firm. “Because his life was never in danger.”
My breath caught in my throat. Never in danger?
“You can call him,” Astor continued, his voice soft, “and find out for yourself. I sent him on a much–needed vacation. He loved you, he understood you more than anybody, and I couldn’t do anything bad to a father like that.” He finally looked up, meeting my tear–filled gaze. “I’m sorry that I used him against you. I truly am. But I’m not sorry for trying everything I could to bring you back. The last couple of days, without you were the hardest of my life. But the days you were there… they were some of the best days I’ve ever spent.”
“You hurt me, Astor,” I choked out, the words thick with emotion. That was the raw, undeniable truth. A truth I couldn’t run from, even now.
He nodded slowly, accepting my pain. “I know,” he confessed, his voice heavy. “And I’m pretty sure I’ll hurt you again in the future. But it will never be intentional. Never again.”
The tears kept falling, but a new anger sparked within me, cutting through the grief. He seemed to be forgetting something very important. “You’re having a baby,” I reminded him, my voice suddenly sharp, “with Alice.”
He flinched, as if I’d slapped him. The mention of my sister and the baby brought a fresh wave of reality crashing down. He had acknowledged so much, but this was a wall that seemed impossible to climb.
He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them, his gaze pleading. “I just need you to give me one month,” he said, his voice quiet but firm. “Willingly. Stay with me for one month, and I promise you, I will make you happy. And if, after that month, you still want to leave… I won’t stop you.”
A month. One month. The proposition hung in the air between us, heavy with unspoken promises and lingering doubts. It was a gamble. A desperate, hopeful, and terrifying gamble.
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