Sacrifice or Selfish Part I
January entered her parents‘ home late in the afternoon with a smile on her face she’d not smiled in years. The house she’d gone to look at was everything she could have dreamed of and the idea that she could actually own it, to build a life for her and Kaylee was thrilling.
The sound of her mother in the kitchen made January’s shoulder tense up but she headed into the space anyway and leaned against the wall. Her mother was standing on a step ladder pulling things out of the cupboards. “Hey Mom.”
“Hey January.”
“What are you doing?”
“Cleaning the cupboards. I pulled down a mug from the middle shelf, and I swear to God I could smell Henry again. I thi something got missed in here when the ladies cleaned the I need to find it.”
- se.
She laughed under her breath at her mother’s words, “anything I can do to help?”
“No. I’m almost done.” Analia looked over her shoulder, “how was lunch?”
“Good. The special today was hot hamburger sandwiches and fries. I had a milk shake.”
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w was Ernst?”
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“You were gone a long time,” her mother turned her a back to the dishes she was pulling form the cupboard.
.on
“I went and looked at the house on South Street. Ernst came with me to keep me grounded and not be blinded by fantasy. He’s very down to earth and blunt.” She watched her mother’s shoulders tighten.
“You went to look at a house?”
“Yes. Mom, I told you I’d be looking for a place.”
“I didn’t think you had one in mind.” Her mother didn’t turn around. “I’m not opposed I’m just surprised you found one already.”
It stung but she pushed it down. “Gulliver told me he owed me a bunch of money for back child support and lost dreams,” she snorted, “so he’s buying a house for me.”
“Is he going to live in it with you?”
“No. We’ve been over this, Mom. I’m not getting back with him.”
“Yet you let Kaylee go with him alone today.”
“Because he is her father and he wanted her to spend time with her cousin, uncle, aunt, and great–grandfather. His parents are coming to the USA next week, and she’ll meet them too.”
“They’re stealing her from us,” her mother muttered.
Kaylee has enough love in her heart to go around, Mom.” She 02
the sink of soapy water and started scrubbing, “besid thought you were team Gulliver.”
Her mother turned then to give her a dirty look.
“What?” she threw her hands up at her mother’s facial
expression. “A week ago, you were giving me shit for going on a date because it hurt his feelings. This week you’re pissed off I let Kaylee go with him. Make up your mind.”
“If you were with him then Kaylee wouldn’t be split between families!” her mother spit out, her cheeks turning red. “You’re going to move out and if we want to see her and it’s on Gulliver’s weekend, then we can’t see her.”
“I see.” January said quietly as she watched her mother’s hands twist a dish cloth in her hands.
“I’m going to miss her.”
“Me too,” January commented as she regarded her mo…S facial expressions carefully.
“Are you? January, you seem so eager to get away from your family for newfound freedom that you’re –”
“Whoa!” she held her hand up and cut her mother off. “Mom. Stop. Do not put things in my mouth. You have been saying for years that Kaylee and I living with you has made it hard on you, and you already raised your child.” She bluntly called her out. “I’m moving out because it is time for me and Kaylee to try living on our own so you and Dad can get back to living as empty Resters the way it’s meant to be and as you just said, you’re not
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need distractions from Kaylee being away from me an hard for me to watch her with Gulliver and know he’s
going to have a part of her life that I never anticipated. So yeah, I’ve been meeting friends like Lottie and Ernst and going out and doing things a bit differently than I normally do because if I’m busy then I’m not sitting here crying my heart out. I don’t like sharing her any more than you do, Mom but its what she deserves and what she needs. She is glowing under his love and while I did what I thought I needed to in order to protect her in the past, keeping her from him now when I know the truth, would be selfish.”
“You’re moving on too easily!”
“I’m not, Mom. I’m trying to cope and I’m doing it the best way I know how.”
“But if you would just forgive Gulliver then we wouldn’t need to have weekends without her.”
“Mom,” she took a breath, “are you suggesting that I si
sacrifice my own happiness to live with a man I don’t love, and frankly at the moment barely like, so that you might have more time with your granddaughter after I move out?”
“I think you’re being selfish.”
“I’m being selfish?” she pointed at her chest with her finger in disbelief. “You are telling me to go back to a man who destroyed me so you can see Kaylee every weekend instead of every other weekend?”
445 didn’t destroy you, January! You were broken–hearted 14:02
< Sacrifice or Selfish Part I
destroyed. Kaylee deserves to have her parents togeth
“Nope.” She turned on her heel and started to walk away.
“Where are you going?”
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She spun back around, “look, Mom, I don’t know what is going on with you. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. Fuck, I’ve been using the menopause excuse for a while now but the occasional barbs you used to shoot when you were overwhelmed are now constant and you standing here demanding I sacrifice my life so you don’t lose your time with Kaylee while calling me selfish is making me wonder what the actual hell is wrong with you. I can’t do this with you.”
“Where are you going?” her mother chased her as she headed for the door. “Dinner is supposed to –”
“Shove your dinner up your ass, Mom.”
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